Thursday, June 30, 2011

dear diary i have some thoughts

So I had this friend, and this friend had a dog. Well, a puppy actually, I don't think he was more than 6 months old at the time. He was a mixed breed, one of which was pit-bull. I forget the other, but the point being that this puppy was bought to be tough, and intimidating (like his owner, who was convinced this would be a reflection of himself). But instead the puppy was a mess. He would defecate and urinate on the floor, mostly at the fault of the owner for not taking him out when he needed to go out. And as punishment for his actions this dog was abused. He was maliciously thrown and beaten by his owner. He was tied to a doorknob, with not even enough slack on the rope to lay down. He would sit there, upright, propped against the door. Whining only got him more of a beating. While tied to this door the owner would put a food bowl just out of reach, and laugh at the hungry puppy for not being able to reach his food. Another punishment for getting into the trash or having an accident was a day with no food whatsoever. The thought process here being, that if you shit on the floor, you wont get any food to shit on the floor. And the pup was constantly having accidents on the floor and couches, even with the reoccurring punishments. I even remember one instance where the owner bit the dog on his nose so hard that it bled and left hairless white scars. These scars were clearly the mark of a human bite. To conceal this in public, the owner would color the scars in with permanent marker. This dog was teased, taunted, and hit more times than I can even recall, all part of the theory that this would eventually toughen the young pup into a beastly dog. Which ended up to never be the case.

The worst was one day I showed up at his apartment, and the pup was on the floor in a ball, panting and wheezing. The owner sat on the couch next to him, staring down in sadness, with one hand pressed against the pups chest. I remember the first thing I thought was that I wished I had my camera, and wondered if the person would even let me shoot a picture of this sad sight if I did. My next thought was wondering if I was a bad person for this being my first thought. Anyways, the owner was distressed, convinced the puppy was going to die. He explained that the dog had had an accident. As punishment the owner dragged and threw him around by the collar around his neck. The result afterwards was that the puppy was coughing and vomiting blood, all while struggling to breathe. I suggested taking him to get looked at, which the owner refused, for he figured the puppy would get taken from him for the abuse.  It was only now that the puppy was struggling and in pain that the owner felt sorry for what he had done. He didn't want his puppy to die. Although after his recovery, the beatings and torment were back to the normal.

I never said much about this, which I partly regret. I would say stop, telling the owner he was a mental case, but this only made the abuse even more enjoyable to him. And I had this feeling that it wasn't my place to tell someone how to raise their puppy, just like it would not be my place to tell someone how to raise their children. And anyone who knew the owner of this dog, knew that he wasn't the type of person you correct or call-out for his behavior. Most people are as afraid of him as his dog is.

My feelings toward this dog were very unusual. I consider myself a compassionate person, especially toward helpless animals. However, to be honest (and this is what bothered/bothers me) I hated this dog. His pitifulness sort-of sickened me. I constantly hoped he would just run away and find a new family, or jesus, just learn to not crap on the floor anymore. I don't know why exactly I felt no compassion for this poor animal, maybe perhaps just because I couldn't help him. I didn't want him near me, and I hardly ever pet him, even when he would come towards me for affection, knowing he received this from strangers more than his owner. I felt nothing but disgust for this creature, and this bothered me; I never understood why. It still bothers me today. I feel as if I were heartless. 

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Endangered Hummingbird Series

Greeting Cards?
watercolor, ink, and marker on cold pressed watercolor paper

still have to do handmade envelopes.

Blue-capped Hummingbird 

Esmeraldas Woodstar

Juan Fernandez Firecrown

Black Inca

Each card has some info on the back.

This helped me pass a boring day

Friday, June 24, 2011

4 months in pictures.

Last fall, I bought rolls of Kodak Ektachrome 120 slide film, which i shot with my holga, quite sparingly. It took me months to finish the rolls and I finally got them developed today. Also, I got these cross-processed, which I had never done before.

click image to see larger

"Ice Skating with Pups"
White Mountains, NH

"Kevin's Scar"
Northwood, NH

"New Years Eve"
Brooklyn, NY

"Plan Ahea"
Brooklyn, NY

"Too much cocaine and nowhere to go"
Brooklyn, NY

"5 am"
Brooklyn, NY

"Wind down"
Brooklyn, NY

"Alex and Odin"
Manchester, NH

"Fireside Inn"
Portland, ME

"Alex Counting"
Portland, ME

"Fireside Inn 2"
Portland, ME

"Missing Free Breakfast"
Portland, ME

[My Grandmother's Portrait in Center]
Burlington, MA

"90 something"
Portland, ME

"Sex Bruises"
Merrimack, NH

"Goodbye, Pool"
Merrimack, NH

"Where Tornado Hit"
Northwood, NH

Northwood, NH

Portsmouth, NH

Manchester, NH

"Fire Demon"
Merrimack, NH

"Last Visit to Kevin's"
Northwood, NH

"Kevin's Truck, the Morning After his Suicide"
Northwood, NH

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Friday, June 17, 2011