Tuesday, December 28, 2010
He says hes been waiting for me.
But, I'm sure I have heard that all before.
And his eyes are so sincere.
But I don't believe in anything.
And its takes effort to not be emotionless
when he stops my conversation
to tell me how beautiful he thinks I am.
And we have more in common than I could ever hope for
but I don't believe in anything.
And in this world of talkers and not do-ers..
Posted by Constant Funk at 7:14 AM
Monday, December 13, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
This semester started with a project on visual memory. I wanted to use my images to portray how memory appears in an incomplete, sometimes exaggerated story. It is something fragmented, and overlapping. The mind does not replay a memory in a linear, chronological order that the event may have happened in. Instead, memory is sporadic. It dulls over time but still has attention to specific, sometimes odd, details.
For the body of work, I experimented with different mediums, and kept my cameras by my side at all times. When an instance started to stand out to me and have a personal emotional value, I would shoot multiple frames of that moment. With the use of multiple angles I would then create a photographic collage, with the images projecting and receding into space at different levels. The color palled would be soft and subdued.
All the while focusing on this project, I would candidly shoot pictures of my husband, whom was often accompanying me on my adventures. These images started just as personal keepsakes. Hiding within each roll of film are a handful of these shots. Upon looking through my negatives at the near end of my shooting, I discovered these snapshot images of my husband packed an emotional punch for me. Not only that, but I found them the most aesthetically pleasing, and value them for their strong use of color.
I decided to use these images as the basis of my theme. I believe they are the images that best demonstrate my growth with the use of color mediums. Before this semester, I had never shot with color film before. I became interested in experimenting with different types of film. I shot with slide 120 film with my Holga camera and Canon film camera, and also shot with one time use disposable cameras with fixed flash. I was interested in the way colors would be portrayed differently in the different mediums. It is in the images of my husband, where I was less focused on capturing a defining moment to recreate in a photographic sense, that I was experimenting with my use of color.
One morning after deciding to change my final topic, my husband broke the news to me he wants a divorce. Nothing happened, other than his need to be free. He moved here, and doesn't feel like this place is home. In the weeks I decided to use these images of him, I had seen this coming, which is why the images are so important. They are a visual diary of the emotion I felt I saw in him. It is a body of work that is so personal in every aspect, but I hope that it has the power to show viewers the same feeling that I had derived being in the moment.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
'The Marilyn'- Neon Queen
The heavy curtains cloaking dull eyes,
when unveiled to a golden throne,
they regain their remarkable brilliance.
Swift hands still curiously cold
from devoted palms pressed firmly
in prayer on a shattered floor.
All the familiar metaphors for hurt
drawn out by a quick moving hand
disguised with a masterful technique.
That the disjointed scraps of color
manifest a kingdom lost in ruin;
a haunting worship to the Neon Queen.
Four corners of what was once my bed
became a safe zone
feet cannot touch the floor,
and the door must stay shut.
Curiously cold as we curled over
you ran your fingers
in the glistening creases on my skin.
Then we became mesmerized
by the colors
hiding in the black and white photographs.
I told you
that your hand looked frightened, and
we watched the sunrise
lying backward on that bed
silently waiting in fear
for it all to mean so much less
in the morning.
With clear hearing
I composed and waited,
but decided it was nothing.
With one brush for each color,
just another discarded palimpsest
in undiscovered shades of blue.
obsession for a second-hand process,
the records had grown out of date.
This boy has been broken.
Left intimidated by the selfish, distracted desertion
this place is not home.
Where anonymous figures wander in disconnect
and giving fistfuls of smiles
he always walks home empty handed.
And I can feel his trembling heart rattling my bones
as the salty streaks drip down
from tiny squared reflections of myself
I feel helpless in thinking
that this boy is broken.
Posted by Constant Funk at 9:45 AM
Friday, December 3, 2010
I bought "The book of Atheist Spirituality" by Andre Comte-Sponville.
It sounded interesting because of its contradicting title. I guess I sort of consider myself Agnostic or Existentialist or something. Atheism always sounded a little too extreme.
But the point in this book made a lot of sense to me.
Many Atheists still find resolution by believing in something, whether they realize it or not
and my belief is and has been love..
not that I even think I fully understand the word love, and what it means to each person,
forget about marriage.
but I believe
that two people have the capacity to be best friends and lovers, and can devote themselves to each other and be family, and be honest and true and care for one another
And all the while 'not believing anything' my belief was right there. I can't agree with the writings of absurdists who just believe in chaos and that people are these like lone wanderers
but I also understand love isn't for everybody, just as God isn't for everybody. People believe in God and it helps them and guides them. Well I have chosen love above all things and I will continue to choose love and believe in people.
people are their actions, in the words of Sartre.
I'm now getting divorced. It is the last thing I would have wanted but it doesn't change any of these realizations I've been developing over the last few weeks. It doesn't change how I feel, and it doesn't change the commitment I made to unconditionally love someone. Forget about the marriage, the tradition, is isn't about that anymore and never really was. It was about devotion.
And just because that love isn't returned doesn't mean I don't have to love. And I'm ok with it, and I will create and inspire and continue to learn and think for myself.
I (still) do.
Posted by Constant Funk at 7:37 AM