I bought "The book of Atheist Spirituality" by Andre Comte-Sponville.
It sounded interesting because of its contradicting title. I guess I sort of consider myself Agnostic or Existentialist or something. Atheism always sounded a little too extreme.
But the point in this book made a lot of sense to me.
Many Atheists still find resolution by believing in something, whether they realize it or not
and my belief is and has been love..
not that I even think I fully understand the word love, and what it means to each person,
forget about marriage.
but I believe
that two people have the capacity to be best friends and lovers, and can devote themselves to each other and be family, and be honest and true and care for one another
And all the while 'not believing anything' my belief was right there. I can't agree with the writings of absurdists who just believe in chaos and that people are these like lone wanderers
but I also understand love isn't for everybody, just as God isn't for everybody. People believe in God and it helps them and guides them. Well I have chosen love above all things and I will continue to choose love and believe in people.
people are their actions, in the words of Sartre.
I'm now getting divorced. It is the last thing I would have wanted but it doesn't change any of these realizations I've been developing over the last few weeks. It doesn't change how I feel, and it doesn't change the commitment I made to unconditionally love someone. Forget about the marriage, the tradition, is isn't about that anymore and never really was. It was about devotion.
And just because that love isn't returned doesn't mean I don't have to love. And I'm ok with it, and I will create and inspire and continue to learn and think for myself.
I (still) do.